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Market Madness - Trump tweet effect S01E01

Fri, 09 Jan 2026 21:00:00 +0000

Market Madness First episode of political economical satire

Wake up, check futures, everything fine
S&P steady climbin’ that line
Notification hit, portfolio shake
Trump just tweeted, quarter past eight

“TARIFFS!” all caps, exclamation three
Market drops five hundred instantly
Lagarde on the phone like “what’s the deal?”
Powell at the Fed can’t keep it real

Elon in replies with a meme that’s fire
Tesla jumps ten while we sink in the mire
CNBC scrambling, trying to decode
Day traders panic, about to explode

Xi playing chess in the Eastern night
Jerome printing money, holding on tight
Draghi shaking head at his screen
Said “Mama mia, what’s this even mean?”

Monday morning, Trump had eggs, feelin’ great
Posted “BEST ECONOMY!” at 8:28
Green across the board, everybody paid
Then he held a presser… uh oh, wait…

Reporter asked a question, he went off the rail
Mentioned something crazy, made the market pale
Traders in the pit looking confused as hell
Wall Street algos don’t know what to sell

Powell testifying up on the Hill
“Inflation’s transitory” - yeah, never will
Yellen in the back with Treasury on speed
Draghi’s retired but he still reads the feed

FinTwit influencers acting like they knew
“I called this dump!” - bro, you called pumps too
Kevin O saying “This is wonderful!”
Retail traders broke, that’s uncomfortable

Trump says “China!” - market tanks
Trump says “Deal close!” - rally banks
Conference at three - hold your breath tight
One wrong word - portfolio fight

Lagarde speaks French - no one gets it straight
Powell speaks English - won’t commit his fate
Draghi speaks wisdom - but he’s gone away
ECB speaker - what’d he ...
Day traders glued to their screens all day
Living and dying off what Trump say
He’s at Mar-a-Lago playing golf in sun
Retail asking “what have I done?”

Cathie Wood buying dips again
ARK Innovation down another ten
Cramer screaming “BUY!” then switch next day
Inverse his plays, you might be okay

ECB trying hard to hold the line
Germany’s recession, third straight time
Bank of England raising rates sky high
Pound keeps dropping, asking why

Putin makes a statement, oil spike quick
Biden’s press sec trying to make it stick
Trudeau taking photos, Macron looking stressed
Trump just posted again… not this test

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